Squall Echo Rale

by Louise Connell

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credits

released June 7, 2019

Produced by Louise Connell and Stuart MacLeod
All songs written by Louise Connell
String arrangements by Stuart MacLeod

Recorded and Mixed by Stuart MacLeod at Beetroot Studios
Mastered by Darius van Helfteren at Amsterdam Mastering

Published by Wardlaw Ltd. / Wardlaw Music, copyright © 2019 Reverieme Music Ltd. / 9th Story Records ℗ 2019

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Louise Connell Glasgow, UK

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Track Name: Ten Feet Tall
You will go where you need
Leave to find who you are
I’ve a thousand little vertebrae
To grow you up so far
I’ll sew them under feathers
At the base of your wings
With a kiss to make it better
As I tell you to remember
When it stings
You heal and grow
You used to be so tiny
Now you’re tall as your hopes
You’d fit in the crook of my arm
Now the world’s fitting into yours

I am right on your side
More than I’m on my own
Magnetic north to your compass
When you need to find home
You won’t know me for years
Quite the way I know you
All the broken boughs
And falling down
The little white truths

For when you need to know it all
Were you ever really tiny?
Mark ten feet on the wall
You’d fit in the crook of my arm
Now the world’s fitting into yours
When it stings
You heal and grow
You used to be so tiny
Now you’re tall as your hopes
You’d fit in the crook of my arm
Now the world’s fitting into yours
Track Name: Rope
I’m forging quite a career in suppression
Whether passive aggression or a spineless silence
And I can’t remember if this ever helped anyone
But at least it worked for me

I’ve got my stairs
You’ve got your rope
Let’s meet in 10
On the 12th floor
Oh don’t look at me like that
We all have birthrights, don’t we?

It’s not my fault, and anyway
The stairs are so steep
It’s not my fault, and anyway
You’re so lucky
I have nothing
And you’ve still got your rope

I’m forging quite a career in suppression
Whether passive aggression or a spineless silence
And I can’t remember if this ever helped anyone
But at least it worked for me
I used to think it worked for me

You’ve got your load
And I’ve got mine
If no one’s helping
Why should I?
Oh don’t look at me like that
It makes me itch to see you

It’s not my fault
But, anyway, it still pains me
It’s not my fault
So couldn’t you make it easy?
I’m no mountaineer
What’s wrong with your rope?
Little more than nothing
And you still have your, you still have your

I’m forging quite a career in suppression
Whether passive aggression or a spineless silence
And I can’t remember if this ever helped anyone
But at least it worked for me
I used to think it worked for me
This never really worked for me
Track Name: We Night
Mama, we sail
Mama, we fright
Mama, we stone
Mama, we night
Mama, I see
Mama, you hide
Mama, we sail
Mama, we night

Like weeds at roots of trees
Pillows in the sheet
Mama bear
Mama bear and me

Mama, you hurt
Mama, you smile
Mama, you hope
Mama, you hide
Mama, we run
Mama, we fight
Mama, I sail
Mama, I night

Like rungs into the dark
The paws that lose the bar
The cub can only swim so far
Like weeds at roots of trees
Pillows in the sheet
Mama bear
Mama bear and me

Dear cub of mine
Forgive me for disturbing your hibernation
And dragging you through the curtained street tonight
And thank you, mine
For following the rules of your mama bear’s game
You remember how you sailed from me
In your cotton ocean
How you’d hold on tight while stormy waves engulfed you

Well, baby bear, let’s play one last time
Hold my hand, you be good you be
Baby bear, let’s play one last time
Hold my hand, you be good you be still
Track Name: Ilo
Spending my days trying to claim
No one was seeing any of me
Like I was total, embryonic potential
And zero kinesis
I’d feel my hand at the switch
With my mouth forming, “I lo...”

I’d never stick to a single mode
Of my cutting my heart out
I’d withdraw and hide and cloak
Like I was something to escape

When total inversion
Was a worthy disguise
When I’d try to disappear
The moment I looked in your eyes
Felt your gaze in me
I couldn’t have you try
and fail
to see

With my hand at the switch
Like a closed eyelid in the morning
Like lungs before a breath
With my mouth forming, “I lo...”

And now my foolish threads are pulled
And I know I’m seeing all of you
And we are total embryonic potential
And budding kinesis

And my hand’s at the switch
Watching your closed eyelids in the morning
My lungs draw in a breath
And my mouth is forming
“I love”
Track Name: Fruit
I’m a crooked, wizened
Pile of old dreams
That shift all around
Shooting down my nerves from
An old mind
To the muscles in an old hand
And I’ve seen countless lives
I’ve never lived
Little smooth knuckles
Forming so many perfect fists

I’m not asking
I’m not wanting
But sometimes I hear a laugh

When it’s quiet
And it’s dark
When I feel more love
Than I can comprehend
And I have to talk aloud
Even when no one’s around
Slap the back of my own hand
List all the reasons that I can’t

I’m not asking
I’m not wanting
I’m not asking
I’m not wanting
But sometimes I hear a laugh

There’s no garden
There’s no orchard
Fruit is trampled
Fruit is foraged

I’m not asking,
I’m not wanting
but sometimes I hear a laugh
Track Name: Crossed The Line
I could have been a genius
But I crushed the brains out of my skull
I could have been a lover
But soft love would make my skin crawl
I could have been a monster
But the screams would fester in my mind
I could have been a good friend
But I always crossed the line
I always crossed the line

I call myself a native; I’m a tourist in a thinly veiled disguise
But you won’t guess until you catch me in the eye
And then you’ll start to notice how the idioms don’t work
How I speak slowly as if I’m translating every sentence first

I could have been a genius
But I crushed the brains out of my skull
I could have been a lover
But soft love would make my skin crawl
I could have been a monster
But the screams would fester in my mind
I could have been a good friend
But I always crossed the line
I always crossed the line

It’s no fun being a tourist when you didn’t even pack
When you don’t come from anywhere but you’re still dying to go back
And the natives are impatient, and they only care enough
To misunderstand your empathy and diminish your love

And I could have been a genius if you’d tested me in my native tongue
I could’ve loved you gently, if it ever seemed much fun
I could have been a monster; sure, I could have the person for you
But friends was just another game that I was meant to lose
Like life’s a game I’m bound to lose

I could have been a genius
But I crushed the brains out of my skull
I could have been a lover
But soft love would make my skin crawl
I could have been a monster
But the screams would fester in my mind
I could have been a good friend
But I always crossed the line
I always crossed the line

I could have been a genius
I could have been a lover
I could have been a good friend
I could have been a monster
I could have been a player
I could have been a winner
I could have worn the right mask
And followed all the right rules
But I always crossed the line
Track Name: No Visitors
Little girls have smiles long as guts
Hairs that catch the light and glister like blood
And open ears to crawl inside
Whisper rose, whisper summer, whisper lies
Decaying maggots burrow in disguise

With their
Kindness and false hope
Oh, dear
She’s not longed for,
Desired or
Needed
She may be sunken treasure but no one’s ever been holding their breath
Maybe no one out there loves her
It’s half past three on the ward
And still no visitors

Little girls are tied to railway lines
Little girls are little boys(’) to find
And if I’m lost I’m fodder for the tracks
It’s no great loss if a few fall through the cracks
You can love all you want like you might ever be loved back

With your
Kindness and false hope
Oh, dear
She’s not longed for,
Desired or
Needed
She may be sunken treasure but no one’s ever been holding their breath
Maybe no one out there loves her
It’s half past three on the ward
And still no visitors
Half past four on the ward
And still no visitors
Half past five in the morgue
And still no visitors
Track Name: Loophole In Your Life
All the things that I have loved
Are sitting inside these bricks
And I don’t know how I swung this
But I have a record of events
A list of all the details
A recipe for how to fix
For how to make a little life
Or two

So I am writing a reminder
Many thousands of reminders
Tattooed all across my body
That say

Don’t take this for granted
It’s not like anybody planned this
Unseen quirk of fate
The loophole in your
Loophole in your
Little life

All the things that I have loved
Are holding me together
Are patching scars I felt were
forever

And is it fair
How I fell into this?
That someone as broke as me could be happy
Without trying
But I don’t take this for granted

I don’t think anyone could plan this
Unseen quirk of fate
The loophole in our
Loophole in our

Contracts
I thought my hand was dealt a while back
And I’d accepted all the terms
What I deserved
What I’d been told was the most to hope for

But I won’t take this for granted
It’s not like anybody planned this
Unseen quirk of fate
The loophole in your
Loophole in my
Loophole in our

Little life
Track Name: My Wandering Mind
No I’ve not been sleeping
But I can’t see how that counts
Who dictates what’s right?
And on what grounds,
If we’re all headed down?

While I can’t be sure
I can I can I can
Convince myself

Beat my heart
When I’m too tired
Open my eyes
And stop the sleep
Breathe my lungs
But burn the pyre
If you know for sure
I’m gone for good
Cause if all my life
And all these bones
Amount to nothing

Morning’s mine and night’s
When thoughts ooze out and can’t be caught
And in the dark my wandering mind
Loses sight
Can’t make it home

And we agree there’s no such thing as a soul

Beat my heart
When I’m too tired
Open my eyes
And stop the sleep
Breathe my lungs
But burn the pyre
If you know for sure
I’m gone for good
Track Name: Get To Know Me
Hello mister, is your daughter home?
I thought I’d come and visit
When I call I feel like I’m waiting
I feel I’m always waiting, sir

I didn’t realise this time wasn’t good for you
I just want to speak to her for a moment or two
You see, we’re very much in love
And I am splendid, sir
When you get to know me

I did the honourable thing
I knocked on the door
I didn’t realise her father was a man of your stature
You intimidate me, sir

But I am standing here alone
I am small but I am strong
I am stronger than you know
But my heart is feeling low
I am stronger than you know
But my heart is hurting so
My heart is hurting

Darling, you tease me with your promises
You lose me

If you’d just get to know me
You’d see how wonderful I am
You’d get past the nonchalance
I wish someone would for once

And if I cry, well I don’t care
I know it seems wrong, I know it seems wrong
I know that I seem wrong
But it feels like I should

Darling, you tease me with your promises
You lose me
Track Name: Outside
Maybe I should go outside
And scream into the night
Go out for a walk
That turns into a fight
With my body

Maybe I should aim
Where I don’t want to land
My intentions never matter anyway
You’d bleed even if the crosshair was on me

Maybe I should go outside
Scuff the welcome mat and leave
I’m so hungry for the air
But I can’t breathe in there
I never could
And now I know I never will

You’re always fighting
And pushing thoughts into each other
Using anger as a way to bridge the gap that it creates

So while you’re battling reason with reason and chaos with chaos
Hiding bruises with makeup and setting up for round two
I’ll step outside
Slip away from the light.
Maybe I’ll leave tonight
Oh I’ll go outside

You’re always fighting
And pushing thoughts into each other
Using anger as a way to bridge the gap that it creates

So while you’re battling reason with reason and chaos with chaos
Hiding bruises with makeup and setting up for round two
I’ll step outside
Slip away from the light.
Maybe I’ll leave tonight
Oh I’ll go outside
Track Name: Maria
The wine glass slithers down the wall
The cooker’s on but the room is cold
Maria, where’s the girl who swallows lies,
And coughs them up as smiles?

Woozy laughter creeps the halls
Boys giggle loud when there’s something wrong
Maria, how deep did they dig?
Enough for metal in their milk?

Maria, won’t you comfort them?
They bleed you, feed the half that’s his
The girl who cut her tongue to keep
The no’s and stops and whys asleep
Maria, won’t you comfort them?
Maria, can’t you look at them?

His tidal voice erodes her coast
Hands creep on every face but hers
She rises from the tiles like every hemline

She sees the air and chokes on breaths
She hears the boys ebb desperate laughs
They’ll say Maria lost her battle
She’ll say that she won the war

Maria, won’t you comfort them?
They bleed you, feed the half that’s his
The girl who cut her tongue to keep
The no’s and stops and whys asleep
Maria, won’t you comfort them?
Maria, can’t you look at them?
Track Name: Careful Unplanned
I think this is one that you’ll be able to see
I know it’s locked up tight
But I’ve whispered the key
And you listen
For little frequencies few people hear

And I think that it’s time I took a pace forward
Make your strides to me
A little less awkward
Fall into us
An act of intention
In the careful unplanned

I threw my watch at the wall
When my lungs felt your breath
Looked in the mirror and shouted,
“Off with her head!”
Unfurled my thoughts
And my clothes
Stitched little yesses over bleeding no’s

I’ve got to manage my expectations
It’s so hard to love and so easy to run
But I’m being broken and built, melted and moulded
Into something that can
Something that wants this

I fell from my certainty
As bare as it might have been
One day I stopped thinking
And now I’m lost but I’m trusting
In the careful
In the careful unplanned
Track Name: Most Righteous People
I'm born in the fire and I'm striking out
I've got myth on my side
It's so hard to fight lies
And I'm stalking the streets
Cloven toes on my feet
I've got myth on my side
It's so hard to fight lies

You're expecting so much
But I expect expectations
I've got myth on my side
It's so hard to fight lies
I'm not going to hurt you but I do have to laugh
You've got myth on your mind
You're just fighting a lie

So don't feel hurt
When I turn out to be good girl
When all those foundations
Crumble like sand and you see
You can still be righteous
And wrong
Like most righteous people are

You won't gamble with me
Are you wary it's true?
I've got myth on my side
You've got bad odds on yours
And you're awfully defensive
For somebody who's right
It's so hard to be pious
But so easy to lie

So don't feel hurt
When I turn out to be good girl
When all those foundations
Crumble like sand and you see
You can still be righteous
And wrong
Like most righteous people are
Track Name: Shrapnel
Tiptoe the pavement
We're coiled and impatient to implode
Quieting our black hole souls

The hairs on our arms
Catch the air with a crackle and a spark
When the shop fronts stare at dying stars

And our ashes lose the taste of fire
And we finally know what we were
As we see what we are

I'll inhale all the dust from your veins
I'll gorge on shrapnel
And we'll blast inwards from charred fingertips
Towards our beating

Once beating hearts

Tiptoe the tower
We're what-if manifests tonight
We're the darkness it takes to see the light

We sprint and we scramble we're ash on the air as it rises
We're freckling clouds on the horizon
We look almost intact on the horizon
You can say it's not real from the horizon

You can say till it catches you hiding
Till the day it needs you and it finds you
Till it wakes you and it wants you
Until

You've inhaled all the dust from their veins
And gorged on shrapnel
And we've caved inwards from charred fingertips
Towards our beating

If I can't mend all the cracks in the glass
They'll rip right through us
If I don't swallow the fire as it spills
I will burn
I will burn too
Track Name: Where I'm From
Most folk are frightened of silence
Where I'm from
Their latest collection of words
Blethered and blurted
Like a bingo caller
Looking out to a dark sea of faces for a match

Most folk are frightened of talking
Where I'm from
I reckon they'd say just about anything
To avoid a conversation
It's amazing how much you can say
Without speaking at all

But I love silence
And I hate chatting
I'd like to talk
But no-one says anything to me
Where I'm from

Some folk are frightened of losing where they're from Where I'm from
They'd cut off their children to spite them
And all of their choices
Their affected voices
Successes and failures and big cars and houses

Some folk are frightened of changing
Where I'm from
Of sobering up long enough to regret
The decisions that were made for them
And the plans that were laid
Shut up, drink up and stay

But I don't get it
So I don't quite fit
I've tried to run
But there's no place for me
Except where I'm from
Except where I'm from

I'll accept where I'm from
Where I've been
Where I'm going
The place that will hold my shape
When I am done
Hold my shape when I am done
Track Name: Viscous Fear
A blast of tonic radiation
My skin dripping pools
Of hot adrenaline
Everything was gleaming like the sun
Oh, the sun
Oh, the sun

A little pill, a little scar
My guts in the sink and my hair on the floor
The poison in my veins hot as the sun
Oh, the sun
Oh, the sun

A nursery rhyme for the other side
A microcosm of my life
Coats a hundred glass slides
I cried eyelashes with my tears
My viscous fear
An eyelash tear
My viscous fear

A tarmac stain
Spelling numbers
How many years will the body linger?
I can't tell who won this in the end
In
The
End

A nursery rhyme for the other side
A microcosm of my life
Coats a hundred glass slides
I cried eyelashes with my tears
My viscous fear
An eyelash tear's
My viscous fear

I was promised tallying the clouds
Soothed with talk of finite light ebbing into nothing
I was promised
I was promised
Track Name: Did I Save The Day?
The shine dulls to see through the glass
But night time'll see us last
Could you see anything?

And I guess we're the sum of our parts
But now you don't see me as a person
Just a girl without a heart
It's no one's fault
It's just the way

I tried so hard to hold on
Funnily, my hand broke right through the clay
Did I save the day
this time?

The frequency was too high to hear
Let's muse over if there was a voice
If no one heard a noise

But that's a joke
Were your screams poetic chords?

I tried so hard to hold on
Funnily, my hand broke right through the clay
Did I save the day
this time?

And if someone ruins the ending
am I entitled to stop reading?
If the fun goes, if the pleasure slows
do I have to keep on eating?
And if it all comes tumbling down
do we have to start all over again?
I'm not displaying virtue
I'm just holding this whole thing off

I tried so hard to hold on
Funnily, my hand broke right through the clay
Did I save the day
this time?
Track Name: 10ft Tall
You will go where you need
Leave to find who you are
I’ve a thousand little vertebrae
To grow you up so far
I’ll sew them under feathers
At the base of your wings
With a kiss to make it better
As I tell you to remember
When it stings
You heal and grow
You used to be so tiny
Now you’re tall as your hopes
You’d fit in the crook of my arm
Now the world’s fitting into yours

I am right on your side
More than I’m on my own
Magnetic north to your compass
When you need to find home
You won’t know me for years
Quite the way I know you
All the broken boughs
And falling down
The little white truths

For when you need to know it all
Were you ever really tiny?
Mark ten feet on the wall
You’d fit in the crook of my arm
Now the world’s fitting into yours
When it stings
You heal and grow
You used to be so tiny
Now you’re tall as your hopes
You’d fit in the crook of my arm
Now the world’s fitting into yours

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